Psychotherapy: where the authentic self learns to live

At some point, many people realise they’re living life slightly at a distance. They’re doing what needs to be done, saying the right things, getting through the days, but not really feeling in their life or fully themselves. That moment, when you first notice that gap, is often what brings someone into psychotherapy.

We learn how to get through

Most of us didn’t choose to live this way. We learned it.

We worked out early on what was safer to show and what was better to keep to ourselves, which feelings caused trouble, and which parts of us didn’t really have anywhere to go. So we adapted. We found ways of coping that helped us get through what we were in, and those ways often stay with us long after the situation has changed.

Later, they can show up as anxiety, low mood, stuck patterns in relationships, or just a sense that something important about you isn’t really part of your life.

Slowing things down

In therapy, you don’t come with answers. You come as you are, and we slow things down.

As you talk, small moments start to stand out. You might pause, notice a shift in yourself, or feel something catch you off guard that you would normally move past. When you stay with those moments, rather than brushing over them, they often tell us something about parts of you that have been kept in the background.

Being met, not managing

What makes psychotherapy different is that you’re not alone with that experience.

There’s someone there with you, staying with what shows up, even when it’s uncomfortable or hard to put into words. For many people, this is the first time they’ve had space to be upset without tidying it up, to feel angry and still be met, or to feel close to someone without pulling away straight away.

That experience matters, because you start to discover that more of you can exist in a relationship without everything falling apart.

Taking it back into life

Over time, this begins to carry into life outside the room.

You notice yourself more clearly: what feels right, what doesn’t, where you’re holding back, and where you actually want something different. You start trusting that inner sense again, rather than just doing what you’ve always done out of habit.

Life can begin to feel less like something you’re managing and more like something you’re actually living.

Giving those parts a place

A lot of the difficulties people bring to therapy make sense when you look at it this way.

If parts of you had to stay hidden, if certain feelings had to be pushed down, or if you learned to cope by staying in control, pleasing others, or not needing too much, those ways of coping don’t just disappear. They shape your life, how close you let people get, and how much of you shows up.

Psychotherapy gives those parts of you a place to show up, to be understood, and to be met by another person.

A space for your true self

For me, psychotherapy is a space where you can stop surviving in the old ways and start noticing who you really are.

It’s a space where you can slow down, pay attention to your own experience, and let more of you into the room. A space where your true self can be seen, and where, over time, it can start to live more fully in your life.

If you’re thinking about therapy

If something in this speaks to you, you might already be at the point of wondering whether therapy could help.

You don’t need to be in crisis, or have everything worked out, to get in touch. Often it starts with a simple question, or a sense that you’d like to explore things with someone outside your everyday life.

If you’re interested in working with me, you can contact me through my website to ask any questions or to arrange an initial session. I’ll be glad to discuss further with you.