Writing about therapy, life, and the things that make us human.

Something that becomes clearer the longer you sit with people is how much language shapes the emotional tone of a session. A tiny change in wording can help someone stay with themselves or can trigger more pressure than their system can manage. It rarely looks dramatic on the surface, but internally it can shift the whole direction of the work. I see this most when a client is close to something emotionally significant. Their anxiety, shame and protective patterns are all act

One of the most powerful parts of ISTDP is helping someone come into contact with their unconscious mind, allowing shifts to happen deep within their internal world. But what does that actually look like in a session? For many it can feel like entering an inner dream, where the deeper emotional world begins to reveal itself. For example, someone who struggles to assert themselves might suddenly see an image of their younger self, back in a place long forgotten, powerless in f

Lately, I’ve noticed more people turning to AI apps for emotional support. They can feel comforting, a space to talk, reflect, and feel heard. And sometimes, that’s enough to get through a hard moment. But real healing asks for something deeper. It asks for another human being. When we sit together in therapy, change doesn’t happen because of clever insights or perfect advice. It happens because something alive  is unfolding between two people, nervous systems tuning to each

From early on, many boys are taught that being a man means holding everything in. Don’t cry. Don’t show weakness. Don’t need anyone. It’s presented as strength, but it’s never been strength at all. It’s a quiet kind of harm that begins the moment a boy learns to hide himself. That pressure creates a voice inside that’s harsh and unrelenting. It says: Be better. Don’t feel. Don’t fail. And each time he listens, something human gets pushed down: sadness, tenderness, love, the n

Something in how I write has been changing. I’ll still be reflecting on therapy, emotion, and the patterns that shape us, but how I write about them will be different. I want this space to sound more like how I speak, more conversational, less like I’m explaining something. The aim isn’t to teach, but to think out loud a bit. So you’ll still find pieces about therapy and change, but maybe with a bit more of my voice in them. — Ben

A reflective woman looking out of a window, representing the link between anxiety and unresolved emotions

It can be frustrating. You’ve invested time, energy, and money in therapy. You’ve talked through your struggles, gained insights, maybe even felt some temporary relief. Yet deep down, the core issues remain. Why does this happen? Insight without change Understanding why you feel or behave in certain ways can bring clarity. Many people leave sessions with new insights into their history, patterns, or relationships. But insight doesn’t automatically create change. You might rec

Starting therapy can feel uncertain, but the first ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy) session is designed to be clear, focused, and useful from the very beginning. Starting with what matters most We begin with the issue that feels most important to you. The aim is to focus directly on what you want to change so that therapy can start straight away, rather than weeks down the line. This makes the first session an active step towards creating change, not just an

And What to Do When You’ve Tried It but Still Feel Stuck CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is often the first therapy people try and for good reason. It’s structured, short-term, and focuses on helping you manage symptoms by changing your thoughts and behaviours. But what happens when you’ve done the worksheets, challenged the negative thoughts, followed the steps and things still don’t shift in the way you hoped? If you’re here, you might be searching for things like: • “

In many models of therapy, change is seen as a gradual process. However, in ISTDP, meaningful shifts can sometimes happen much sooner, even in a single session. This isn’t about rushing. It’s about working directly at the emotional core of the problem. When unconscious emotional conflicts are brought into awareness and experienced fully, symptoms can shift, not over months, but in moments of deep emotional clarity. Why Are Symptoms There in the First Place? From an ISTDP pers

Burnout is often talked about as a problem of workload or balance. The usual advice is to slow down, take breaks, set boundaries, or adjust your environment. Sometimes, those things help. But for many people, even after reducing their hours or taking time off, the exhaustion persists. They still feel flat, disconnected, or overwhelmed by things that used to feel manageable. What if burnout isn’t just about what’s happening around  you, but also what’s happening inside ? That’

Many people come to therapy saying something like this: “I just need some tools to help me cope better.” It makes sense. A lot of mental health advice focuses on managing symptoms. You might have learned how to ground yourself when anxious, reframe negative thoughts, or distract yourself when things feel overwhelming. These are all examples of coping strategies , tools designed to help you get through difficult moments. They can be useful, especially when emotions feel intens

For many people with OCD, the symptoms are exhausting. You know your thoughts aren’t rational. You’ve tried to stop the compulsions. You may have done thought-challenging, exposure work, even breathing exercises. And for a while, they may have helped. But the thoughts still return. The rituals persist. The anxiety doesn’t let up. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It likely means the root cause hasn’t yet been reached. That’s where Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (IS

Grief is a natural response to loss, but that doesn’t mean it’s simple. For some, it moves through in waves. For others, it lingers for years. You might understand why you’re grieving. You might even have talked about it in therapy. And yet, something still feels unresolved. You’re not alone. In the therapy I practise Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) , we work with grief by going beneath the surface. Not just talking about the loss, but helping you actually

If you’ve decided it’s time to start therapy, you’re likely already feeling overwhelmed and trying to choose the right  therapist can add to that. There are dozens of options in Nottingham, and even more online. You might be asking: How do I know who’s qualified? What’s the difference between all these therapy types? Do I need CBT, counselling, psychodynamic therapy, or something else? How do I know if someone’s going to be a good fit? This guide is here to help you cut throu

Anger is a normal human emotion, and when expressed in a healthy way, it can be a powerful force for change. It helps us set boundaries, protect ourselves, and respond to injustice. But when anger feels overwhelming, unpredictable, or out of control, it can start to damage the very things we care about: our relationships, our work, and our own peace of mind. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking: Why do I get angry so easily? Why do I explode, then feel ashamed? Why do I bot

"Why am I still stuck, even though I’ve been going to therapy?” “I understand myself more, but nothing seems to be changing.” “I’ve been in therapy for months, but I still feel the same.” If you’ve found yourself thinking like this, you’re not alone. Many people come to therapy wanting things to shift. They want anxiety to ease, relationships to improve, or confidence to grow. But instead, they find themselves circling the same ground, week after week. So why might your thera

If you’ve experienced trauma, whether from a single event or a series of painful experiences over time, you may already know how deeply it can affect your emotional world. You might find it hard to trust. You may feel overwhelmed by anxiety, numbness, or shame. You might understand your past logically, but still feel trapped in emotional patterns you can’t shift. This is where ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy) offers a different kind of help. Rather than talk

A client once told me about a weekend away with friends. She’d spent time with people who genuinely cared about her, people she laughed with, relaxed around, and felt close to. But when I asked how it felt to remember that, she paused. “It was nice… but it doesn’t count.” I asked her what she meant. She looked down and said: “Because they don’t really  know me. If they did, they wouldn’t love me. ” This moment wasn’t unusual. In fact, I hear versions of this all the time in t

How the Observing Ego Emerges in Real-Time Therapy Work Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) offers a structured way of helping clients access and work through emotions that have long been warded off. At the core of this process is the Central Dynamic Sequence (CDS) , a framework that guides therapist and client through anxiety, defence, and emotional breakthrough toward long-term change. In this post, I’ll walk through the CDS using an anonymised example of ear