When Something Doesn’t Shift

Most people don’t start looking for therapy because they’ve neatly named the problem.

It’s usually more like: something doesn’t feel right.

You might be getting on with life on the outside, but inside there’s a sense of strain.

Anxiety that keeps returning.

The same relationship situations playing out again.

Or that frustrating gap between understanding yourself and actually feeling different.

I’m Ben Jones, a BACP-accredited psychotherapist. I’m based in Nottingham and I work online with people across the UK and Europe to help them create real change that lasts.

When Anxiety Keeps Showing Up

A lot of people come to therapy with anxiety at the forefront.

Sometimes that looks like overthinking, a tight chest, spirals at night, or feeling on edge in social situations. Sometimes it looks like shutting down, going blank, or keeping everything at a distance.

Either way, anxiety rarely arrives on its own.

Often it’s doing a job. It’s signalling that something emotional is close, and your system is trying to manage it.

For some people, the management strategy is to stay busy. For others it’s to stay in their head. For others it’s to keep things smooth, avoid conflict, or take care of everyone else first.

None of that is random. These patterns usually make sense when you look at what you had to do earlier in life to cope.

Why Insight Isn’t Always Enough

Many people I speak to are already thoughtful and self-aware.

They’ve read books, listened to podcasts, done courses, maybe had therapy before. They can tell you where things come from. They can name the pattern.

And still, something hasn’t shifted.

That’s usually the point where therapy needs to move beyond understanding and start paying attention to what happens in the moment.

Because the patterns that keep you stuck aren’t just ideas. They’re lived, emotional responses. They show up in relationships. They show up under pressure. And they often show up when you get close to another person.

How I Work

My work is informed by an intensive, emotion-focused, psychodynamic approach.

In simple terms, that means we pay attention to what’s happening right here, in the session.

Not just what you think about your life, but what you feel, what you avoid feeling, and what happens between us when something difficult comes closer.

That might involve noticing:

• The moment you go blank or shift topic

• The point where anxiety rises

• The ways you protect yourself from emotion

• What feelings are underneath the protection

The aim is to help you make sense of what your mind and body are doing, and to work at a pace that’s tolerable.

When the underlying emotional pattern is reached and processed, anxiety often changes as a result, because the system doesn’t need to work as hard to keep things contained.

What This Can Help With

People come to me for different reasons, but the themes are often similar:

• Feeling stuck in repeating relationship patterns

• Anxiety that keeps returning, even when life looks fine on paper

• Low self-esteem or a harsh inner critic

• People-pleasing, perfectionism, or difficulty saying no

• Emotional numbness, disconnection, or shutting down

• A sense of carrying a lot, but not knowing what it’s all connected to

Sometimes there’s a specific event. Sometimes it’s something that’s been there for years.

A Note on Finding the Right Fit

If you’re looking for a therapist, it’s normal to feel unsure. There are lots of approaches and lots of voices.

What matters most is whether the work feels like it matches what you’re trying to change.

If you want something practical and skills-based, you’ll likely want a therapist who works in that way.

If you have a sense that the problem isn’t just on the surface, and you want to understand what keeps driving the pattern underneath, then a more emotion-focused approach may be a better fit.

Working Together

If you’re based in Nottingham and want to work with someone local, that can matter. If you’re elsewhere and you’re looking for online therapy, that works too.

If you’d like to ask a question, or get a feel for whether this approach might suit you, you’re welcome to get in touch.