“I Need Tools” vs “I Need Change”: Why Coping Strategies Sometimes Aren’t Enough

Many people come to therapy saying something like this:

“I just need some tools to help me cope better.”

It makes sense. A lot of mental health advice focuses on managing symptoms. You might have learned how to ground yourself when anxious, reframe negative thoughts, or distract yourself when things feel overwhelming. These are all examples of coping strategies, tools designed to help you get through difficult moments.

They can be useful, especially when emotions feel intense or unmanageable.

But for some people, these tools only go so far.

When coping strategies aren’t enough

Take overthinking as an example.

You might spend hours going over past conversations, second-guessing decisions, or mentally rehearsing future events. You’ve probably tried all sorts of strategies: breathing exercises, meditation, journaling, positive self-talk. Sometimes they help. But often, the same patterns return.

This is where a lot of people start to feel stuck.

You’ve been doing all the right things. So why do the same struggles keep coming back?

The answer often lies in the difference between coping with symptoms and resolving the underlying cause of them.

Coping strategies help you manage what’s happening

They’re designed to reduce discomfort in the short term. They might help soothe the nervous system, shift your focus, or change your relationship to the thoughts and feelings you’re having. That can be incredibly valuable, particularly in moments of crisis or high stress.

But if you find yourself relying on these strategies constantly, or needing to manage the same symptoms over and over again, it might be worth asking: "What’s underneath this?"

Symptom resolution means getting to the root

In therapies like ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy), the focus shifts from managing the symptom to understanding why it’s happening in the first place.

Continuing with the example of overthinking, we might explore what gets stirred up when you’re not analysing everything. What feelings emerge when you try to let go of control? What emotional risk might be involved in simply being present?

Often, symptoms like overthinking aren’t the main issue. They’re protective responses. They help keep difficult emotions or internal conflicts out of awareness. For example, the urge to stay in control might be protecting you from feeling vulnerable, angry, guilty, or close to others in ways that feel risky.

In this kind of work, symptoms are treated as signals, not just problems to eliminate.

And when the emotional conflicts underneath are faced and worked through, the nervous system no longer needs to generate the same symptoms to protect you.

So how do you know which approach you need?

Coping strategies have their place. They help people get through difficult times and stay functional. For some, especially during periods of acute distress, they’re essential.

But if you’ve been coping for years and still feel stuck, repeating the same emotional patterns, it may be time for something different.

Symptom resolution doesn’t mean getting rid of all discomfort. But it does mean working toward deeper emotional change, so that you’re not always having to manage symptoms, because the source of them has been addressed.

If you’ve found yourself saying “I’ve got the tools, but I’m still stuck,” this might be the kind of work you’re ready for.

You can learn more about how I work here, or feel free to get in touch if you’d like to talk further.