Resolving Anger Issues with ISTDP
- Jul 7
- 3 min read
Anger is a normal human emotion, and when expressed in a healthy way, it can be a powerful force for change.
It helps us set boundaries, protect ourselves, and respond to injustice.
But when anger feels overwhelming, unpredictable, or out of control, it can start to damage the very things we care about: our relationships, our work, and our own peace of mind.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
Why do I get angry so easily?
Why do I explode, then feel ashamed?
Why do I bottle everything up until it bursts out?
You’re not alone. And there is a way forward.
In the therapy I practise, Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP), we don’t just manage anger. We explore what’s underneath it, so you can respond rather than react.
What Anger Is Really Telling You
Anger is often misunderstood.
It’s not just about aggression or losing your temper. It can also show up as irritation, coldness, criticism, or even perfectionism.
In many cases, what we call “anger issues” are really signs of deeper emotional pain that hasn’t been processed.
In ISTDP, we understand that anger becomes problematic in two main ways:
When it’s discharged destructively, through shouting, aggression, or hurtful behaviour
When it’s suppressed entirely, leading to passivity, resentment, and sudden emotional outbursts
Both patterns are usually learned responses to earlier life experiences, times when it wasn’t safe or acceptable to feel and express anger.
Instead, we developed strategies to block, deny, or misdirect those feelings.
Over time, these patterns become automatic. But they can be changed.
How ISTDP Helps With Anger
ISTDP is a therapy that focuses on emotional clarity.
Rather than avoiding, repressing, or exploding, we work toward helping you experience your emotions fully and safely, without becoming overwhelmed.
Here’s how ISTDP helps with anger specifically:
Understanding your anger as a signal, not something to fear or suppress
Identifying the defences that distort or block your anger, such as sarcasm, withdrawal, over-compliance, or self-criticism
Learning to tolerate the physical sensations of anger without reacting impulsively
Processing the underlying emotions, such as sadness, fear, or pain, that often drive the anger in the first place
With this work, anger can stop being something you fear or fight against and instead become something you understand, regulate, and express in a healthy way.
Common ISTDP Techniques for Working With Anger
Here are some ways anger is addressed in ISTDP:
1. Body-focused awareness
Most people aren’t fully aware of how anger builds in the body. You may only notice it once it’s already overwhelming.
Your therapist helps you tune into early physical cues, muscle tension, heat, tightness in the chest — and learn to stay with those sensations without needing to act on them or shut them down.
2. Defence restructuring
Many people use unconscious defences to manage anger, from joking, to avoidance, to attacking themselves instead of others.
ISTDP helps you identify and gently dismantle these patterns so you can respond more directly and clearly to what you feel.
3. Anxiety regulation
Anger often becomes unmanageable when anxiety is high. In ISTDP, we track anxiety in the body and help you regulate it in real time so emotions can be felt without spiralling into chaos or collapse.
Real-Life Examples
Tom’s Story
Tom had a history of explosive anger that had cost him jobs and strained important relationships.
In therapy, he discovered that his anger often masked deeper feelings of sadness and helplessness from early life. These unprocessed emotions would get triggered in the present and come out as rage.
As Tom learned to feel those deeper emotions safely, the intensity of his anger reduced. He was no longer hijacked by past pain and could now respond to situations as they were, not as they once had been.
Emily’s Story
Emily never thought of herself as an angry person, until her bottled-up emotions started erupting unexpectedly.
She’d suppress irritation for weeks, then explode over something small, leaving her feeling ashamed and confused.
Through ISTDP, Emily became more emotionally aware. She was able to connect her reactions to past experiences where expressing needs or anger felt dangerous.
As she worked through those experiences, her relationship with anger softened. She could speak up for herself without fear or guilt.
You're not stuck like this forever
If anger has felt like something that controls you, or something you’re afraid of, you’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’ve likely never been shown how to feel and express anger safely and clearly.
ISTDP offers a structured, compassionate way to help you understand your emotional responses, regulate your anxiety, and work through the deeper conflicts that fuel reactive anger.
If you’re ready to explore a different relationship with anger, I’d be happy to help.
I offer online therapy across the UK and Europe, as well as in-person sessions in Nottingham.
